How do you know if you’re “clenched”?

Well if you’re clenched, your body feels tense. There’s a tightness in your stomach and shoulders. You are busy, busy, busy–focusing on getting things done or maybe even avoiding your feelings. These two tend to go together. We avoid feeling our emotions by staying busy.

The problem with this is that not only are you avoiding your feelings, but clenching also creates internal conflict. The reason is that one part of you feels the right thing to do is stay busy and focus on “getting things done”, while another part of you is really upset with this strategy. Another part of you just wants a break, just wants to relax, and just wants to feel whatever it is you are trying to avoid!

This is more than just a bad coping strategy. Extreme forms of clenching actually involve your brain “locking up” in negative cycles. It’s very possible that this is even happening to the average person in less extreme situations in an attempt to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions.

Another downside to clenching is that you are turning your energy inward. It is almost selfish, because you are focusing on yourself–you are either ruminating or working too hard. Consider the definition of a “workaholic” –this describes someone who is clenched very tightly, focusing on work rather than living life.

And yes even ruminating is avoidance of emotion, even though it seems like you might be addressing problems with thought! Letting your thought patterns spiral in circles is often a distraction from actually experiencing an uncomfortable feeling like fear, anxiety, or sadness.

The ultimate way to live is completely unclenched, completely in touch with emotions that come and go, and open to all possibilities. Imagine a life of spontaneity and endless choices in any given moment. Imagine being completely open to whatever the Universe brings in. In order to be in harmony with the Universe and to welcome blessings and synchronicities, it is necessary to be in a state of movement and spontaneity. It is necessary to be open to others, to be willing to stop and help others or simply enjoy the company of others, rather than being caught up in the self.

When I speak of unclenched movement, I don’t mean movement in the sense of being clenched in busyness, where the work being done comes from a place of suffering. I am speaking of movement through pleasure, where choices are spontaneous and each choice is based on a heart-filled desire. Obviously there are things we all must do that we don’t enjoy, but even in those cases, moving slowly and finding a way to enjoy is crucial to peace of mind. Otherwise the experience is one of resistance, which creates internal conflict.

Clenching is something that I am very familiar with and struggle with myself. I find that if I am not experiencing a great deal of stress in my life, it is easier to remain unclenched most of the time. It is easier to remain aware of when I am clenching and, when I am, the techniques I use to unclench are very effective.

On the other hand, when I’m experiencing a great deal of stress and change, not only do I feel the need to clench, but to clamp down! I find myself engrossed with work and don’t stop to check in with myself and how I’m feeling as often. My techniques don’t always work right away. The reason is because in order for any technique to work, one must surrender and relax. When you try a technique to unclench and it doesn’t work, it’s because ultimately, you are not allowing yourself to let go and truly relax.

Here are some of my techniques for unclenching:

Slow down

Stop and do whatever you are doing very slowly. When you are moving very fast, you may find a voice pop up in your mind saying, “But you can’t slow down! You have to much to do! Just push through!”

What you are feeling is anxiety and it feels uncomfortable. It makes you want to work faster and just move on the to next thing and the next. Fight the urge and just slow down. Once the initial discomfort of anxiety wears away, you will actually feel better.

You can use an “anchor”, a slowing down activity to help you get out of your mind and back into your emotions and the present moment. I’ve used sitting quietly with a cup of tea. I’ve also taken an activity that I do daily anyway, like watering my plants as an opportunity to unclench. I deliberately water the plant slowly, letting a small amount of water completely drench a portion of soil before moving on to another part.

Visualization

This one is powerful. If you really surrender to a visualization that you find relaxing, you can find yourself unclenching completely, and all your stress melting away. I’ll be placing a link here in the future to a blog post with some specific visualizations that work powerfully for me.

Intention Setting

First, forgive yourself if you’ve been stressed, clenched, and unconnected to your emotions. It can be hard in today’s fast-paced life to feel any other way. It can be harder for some people than others depending on your natural brain chemistry.

First thing in the morning, set your intention to live today differently, slowly, unclenched. Your mind can’t argue with an intention, and you know that you will forgive yourself even if you can’t stick to your intention 100%. Notice at the end of the day when you were able to stick to your intention and feel good about it. Forgive yourself for the moments when you couldn’t and seek to understand why it was more difficult.