Articles | Flow Alchemy Blog

Your Guide to Perfectionist Rehab

Perfectionism is a sneaky little devil that can wreak havoc on your life if you're not aware of it! Last week I shared how perfectionism has been an issue for me, and why it's important to get it under control. This week I'm sharing with you my favorite tools to keep perfectionism from getting in the way. Step 1) Assess Your Perfectionism If you're a perfectionist, you probably already know it. But what you may not be aware of is the degree to which your standards are unrealistic or how this could be getting in your way. One reason this is true, is because perfectionists tend to pay attention to experiences that confirm their beliefs and ignore information that does not support them. We tend to remember mistakes rather than successes, and are more likely to interpret ambiguous/neutral information in a way that supports our beliefs. So to get started, we really want to take a look at our perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors and explore them--really get to know them.

By Christine Mattschei| December 12th, 2011|Categories: Dealing With Emotions|Tags: Perfectionism|3 Comments

Is Perfectionism Getting in Your Way?

I am definitely a perfectionist. I've been a perfectionist all my life, although I never really thought about that label much until recently--until I started considering how much it can get in the way. For me it can show up as the desire to write the perfect article, complete the perfect project, handle a sticky situation flawlessly, look as best as I can when I go out, or take the perfect picture. I am happy to say, that perfectionism has never ultimately kept me from doing what I want to do. I have found a way to break through each time I've been caught in that state of non-doing, because I've been afraid of failure. This is so important, because each time I break through, I am telling myself that not doing whatever I want to do perfectly is not the end of the world. And failure is only how I define it. In some ways, perfectionism has been a good strategy for me. It means that I don't settle for less very easily, so I usually end up pretty happy with my results. But there's a down side too. It means that I can be hard on myself. And that I often wonder if I could have done even better. But maybe worst of all is the realization that being a perfectionist can actually make everything worse!!! Isn't that horrible? To think that you are putting in all this perfectionistic effort, even when it means being hard on yourself, and instead of getting the perfect outcome, it may actually be sub-par? Worse than what it would be if you hadn't tried so hard at all??? The first time I heard that, my reaction was--Seriously? No! But then I started reading and learning more about perfectionism, and now I believe this is true! Having high standards can get us closer to perfection, but there is definitely a line that can be crossed where these thoughts and behaviors lead to dangerously perfect and are not serving us.

By Christine Mattschei| December 6th, 2011|Categories: Random Inspiration|Tags: Perfectionism|2 Comments

Sensual Strawberry Mindfulness Tool

I found a Mindfulness Tool I really love and want to share it with you! This will help if you find yourself consumed by your thoughts and worries to the point where you don't enjoy the immediate experience of your being. This will help you if you're running through your day feeling emotions come up and pushing them down and away, because there's just no time for them. If you find yourself making judgments about yourself, other people, or your experiences all the time like, "I'm too fat, I'm too thin, if only I could change that one thing about myself, this room is too hot, this movie is boring," you may actually be creating an unpleasant emotional state such as anxiety, depression, anger, or a desire for unrealistic perfection.

By Christine Mattschei| November 29th, 2011|Categories: Random Inspiration|Tags: mindfulness|Comments Off

11/11/11 = Transformation

I have had the most amazing week! My dear friend Celestine Chua was visiting from Singapore to speak at a Wharton (University of Pennsylvania) Marketing Conference scheduled for the auspicious day of 11/11/11. After several coaching sessions with Celes during a transformative period in my life, a blogging course, and a meditation challenge on her blog, it was great to finally meet her in person! She's been a HUGE part of getting my own web site, blog, and coaching practice started. It was a blast to have her stay with me and to show her the best of Philadelphia (only wish we had more time!) Celes runs a blog where she's currently doing a FREE journaling challenge. Everyone take a look! :) ==> http://www.personalexcellence.co/ <== But that wasn't all...

By Christine Mattschei| November 22nd, 2011|Categories: Synchronicity|Tags: 11, 11/11/11|Comments Off

5 Tools for Releasing Toxic Guilt

The first step is knowing the difference between healthy guilt (which motivates us to improve ourselves) and toxic guilt (which harms us by keeping us feeling crappy and stuck). Just knowing the difference between the two and being able to untangle them is already empowering! If you missed last week's blog post about this, you can check it out here. In this post I want to share with you some tools for processing toxic guilt. I found this amazing 5 step approach in a book by Susan Carrell called "Escaping Toxic Guilt" which I've adapted for my blog here.

By Christine Mattschei| November 15th, 2011|Categories: Dealing With Emotions|Tags: Toxic Guilt|1 Comment

Is Toxic Guilt Blocking Your Bliss?

I've noticed that most of the people in my life are like me in that they enjoy helping others, and sometimes that results in spreading ourselves too thin, feeling guilty about not being able to give enough, or saying no. Or maybe it's worrying more about how other people will be negatively affected by our decisions, and not taking into consideration how we harm ourselves when we put others first. If you're not someone who is caring for others in your personal life or in a helping profession, I'm sure you can still relate to this in some way. After all, you probably provide a service to others for a living. And since what we do for a living is so important to us and so caught up in our identity, I'm sure you strive to provide the very best service you possibly can. So guilt may show up in the form of saying no to customers, clients, co-workers, or managers-- or it might even be about taking time for yourself to relax and experience pleasure when there's still work to be done. It has a lot to do with setting boundaries. Guilt is one of those emotions that can be a block to manifesting the life you dream of. If you find yourself consistently reacting with guilt to situations that come up, or feel guilt about things that have happened in the past, you may not be allowing blessings into your life. The energy of guilt is the opposite of welcoming blessings. The thoughts that go along with feeling guilty are usually about feeling undeserving, lack of control, and harshness towards the Self

By Christine Mattschei| November 8th, 2011|Categories: Dealing With Emotions|Tags: Toxic Guilt|4 Comments

How Detailed Does Your Visualization Need to Be? Part IV: 5 Tips for Effective Visualization

For the past month, I've been examining the question: ~How detailed do your visualizations need to be in order to be effective?~ My own personal experiences taught me that it doesn't really matter--both detailed and general approaches work! But very detailed visualizations can get sticky if they involve circumstances outside of the Self. I found this sentiment echoed by other people who shared their knowledge about visualization and manifesting. Taking all of it together, it seemed that general might be the way to go. Being general allows more possibilities to complete your end result and keeps you from getting too attached to the details. But the research I found on visualization surprised me--it seems to be more in favor of making visualizations detailed and specific. Strange! Of course, the research I found was limited to visualizations that involve only the Self, such as visualizing a specific healing process, improving physical performance, or changing personal habits (like becoming more extroverted). So taking all of this together, what is the best approach?

By Christine Mattschei| October 31st, 2011|Categories: Manifesting|Tags: Creative Visualization, Detailed Visualization|1 Comment

How Detailed Does Your Visualization Need to Be? Part III: How Visualization Works

One of the side effects of going to school for psychology is that I'll probably always want to do a literature search to answer any lingering questions I have about behavior even if I don't have to hand in a term paper and no one is going to be checking my references. :) But the main reason for it is--wouldn't it be amazing to have actual evidence that there are techniques that really work for manifesting? Sometimes we have a hard time developing habits for things that we already know will work (like exercise)--but with something like manifesting it can be even harder, because it's somewhat ephemeral, and we're not even really sure what *it* is, even if we know it's a process. So that's what this post is all about. After sharing what my personal experiences have taught me and those of others, I want to share with you what the research shows.

By Christine Mattschei| October 25th, 2011|Categories: Law of Attraction, Manifesting|Tags: Creative Visualization, Visualization Research, Visualization Studies|4 Comments

How Detailed Does Your Visualization Need to Be? Part II: What I’ve Learned From Others

Shakti Gawain: Getting Clear The first book I ever read on manifesting and visualization was Shakti Gawain's "Creative Visualization." It's still my favorite book on the topic, and one of the most influential books I've ever read. I've read the book again and again many different times, and the overall feeling that I come away with is that a preference in approach regarding how detailed a visualization or a specific desire should be is not given. There is definitely a warning not to force anything and not to be too attached to the outcome. If anything, my impression is that the more detailed and specific you are, the better. I did find one statement while I was flipping through it again where Shakti says that once she has a very clear, strong intention to create a particular thing, it manifests almost immediately (often within hours or days of getting clear about it) with very little effort involved. She goes on to say this is the case after a great deal of time and energy processing before the clarity needed to be worked through is achieved.

By Christine Mattschei| October 18th, 2011|Categories: Law of Attraction, Manifesting|Tags: Creative Visualization, Detailed Visualization|7 Comments

How Detailed Does Your Visualization Need to Be? Part I

When I first started experimenting with manifesting and visualizations, I wanted very specific things. This is normal--most of us come to this practice because we want specific things rather than general ones. In my case, I wanted a specific relationship I was in to deepen and be full of peace rather than full of drama and uncertainty. While you can never change another person's mind or behavior, it is definitely possible to affect others by changing yourself and engaging God/The Universe to shift the energy you're in and help out.

By Christine Mattschei| October 11th, 2011|Categories: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Synchronicity|Tags: Creative Visualization, Detailed Visualization|5 Comments